Stop blaming yourself. Alcoholism is a disease!

As it often happens in an alcoholic's life, at one point or another he is going to blame you for his drinking.

It might not be him. It might be his parents, his children, ex-wife, friends, or like in my case, his counselor.

Someone, at some time or another, is going to point fingers at you and say: "YOU are causing this!"

That is insane, right? But not the the ears of the wife of an alcoholic. The wife of an alcoholic often blames herself for her husband's drinking, and hearing it from him or someone else, just confirms what she is already thinking anyway.

Thoughts she might have include things like:

"Maybe is I didn't have that argument with him last night, he would not have drank so much"

OR

"Maybe if I don't yell at him so much, he would not need to go out and drink to get away from me."

OR

"If only I had just agreed with him last night, he would not have stormed out and gotten drunk."

You really, really need to STOP blaming yourself for his drinking.

You can not make an alcoholic drink, anymore than you make make a cancerous tumor grow inside him. You can also not STOP a tumor from growing.

Bottom line? Alcoholism is a disease. You can not cause it, cure it, or control it. Don't forget that.

Be gentle with yourself. The next time one of his relatives or friends accuses you of "making him drink", tell them (calmly, clearly and rationally):

"I don't buy his liquor, nor force it down his throat. He is a grown man, who makes his own decisions, and he chooses to drink."

More importantly, don't get into an argument or discussion about it with anyone about it. That is all you need to say. Walk out if you need to. You are NOT to blame for your husband's drinking.

The concept of "Alcoholism is a disease" is one of the first things you need to come to terms with. It will help you along a great deal, on your road to recovery.


Back to Alcoholism and Marriage Home Page